Five Instances Of Phrases which made Them Doubt
by Lady Merlin
Summary: And One which was incredibly incomprehensible. Yeah, I know it's weird, but it made sense while I was writing it. more hurt!Jim in copious amounts, and K/S slash! Mentions of child-abuse and Tarsus IV


Yeah, yeah I know, another damn '5+1' fic, but this format is TOO irresistible! This one is titled, the five times Jim said something which made the crew suspicious, and the one time he didn't. Damn, I have a knack for long names, don't I? Either way, I own nothing! Enjoy!

P.S. After I wrote this I realised I should warn ya'll. It's K/S and it's bucketloads of hurt!Jim. Yupp. :D

1)

They were running for their lives, and god knows how he noticed it, but he did. He shoved Spock out of the way of a flying knife.

Yeah, it would be an understatement to say that things had gotten a wee bit out of hand with the natives and all. They thought Spock was a demon, and Jim wouldn't stand for it. How was he supposed to know that they were such religious prudes, honestly?!

Well, yeah. Maybe there was that hour long briefing Uhura had given him before he left the ship, but that was irrelevant! Spock was his First Officer, a more fantastic man had never existed. He was Jim's best friend, and a StarFleet Officer. He wouldn't stand for his mistreatment, and they could go and tell their friends, for all he cared.

But he didn't care much, at the moment, for anything but the blinding pain in his side. He wasn't sure how his side was blinding, but things were getting a bit fuzzy...

"Damn it Jim!" Ah. Comfort in the form of a familiar voice!

"'lo, Bones," Jim slurred, blue eyes sluggish.

"Jim, stick with me, kay?" Bones' voice was concerned, which was never a good sign. He was never worried. Jim wondered who was hurt this time. Idiots. Bones was probably going to stab them with a hypo...

"Captain! The natives appear to be attacking the Enterprise!" Spock. That was Spock. And he was important. And what he was saying was important. And... And... Gods Blast it, no accursed natives were getting at _his_ ship!

He pushed himself into a sitting position, and held himself _just_ there. The pain went ignored. He lurched to his feet, blood leaking through the make-shift bandage, but he ignored it.

"Let's go, Bones. Spock, hail Scotty." His voice was stern with anger, and pain. _his ship..._

"Jim, you giant idiot! You can't stand with a stab wound like that, are you _insane_?" Yeah, he'd got that a lot, a small still-fuzzy part of his mind thought. The rest of him ignored it.

"I've had worse," he said, curtly, looking away.

"No, you haven't," Bones started to say, before remembering that Jim _had_ indeed had a life before he met him. The lack of eye-contact told Spock and Bones that this was a careful half-truth, and as they were beamed up by Scotty, to the relative safety of their ship, they couldn't help but wonder the meaning of Jim's cryptic statement.

2)

Jim and Bones were arguing away, some ridiculous topic of no consequence, Spock didn't doubt. His sensitive hearing allowed him to hear Jim yelling and he could _feel_ Bones making a rude gesture, and Jim rolling his eyes, even though none of these things registered on the sonar scale. Spending so much time with a human crew had apparently dire consequences on his sanity.

He could hear details as he approached the scene of the argument; the sickbay.

They were talking about...human trade? Momentarily, Spock was confused. It didn't make sense; slavery had been abolished _generations_ ago. But as he approached, he realised they were talking about the body trade. And he sighed. This was something that, despite their far reaching influence, Star Fleet had been unable to stop. No matter where they went, no matter which species, there would be signs of the body trade, and it pleased Spock to say that the body trade on Vulcan had died with... well... Vulcan. Yes, they did have a body trade--highly illogical, but there was nothing to say. He found himself at the door of the sickbay, and stood there, waiting for Jim to notice, or finish, which ever came first.

There was a sudden still, and his mind instantly replayed what he had heard, because he hadn't been paying attention.

"_No one peddles their body of their own free will, Bones. No one." _

Jim's tone was cryptic, like he had never heard it before. And it was tinged with an emotion one did not normally associate to Jim Kirk; a deep, hollow sorrow. He couldn't understand why, or how that statement had affected him so much, but suddenly, and illogically, he wanted to hug Jim, and tell him it would be alright. But nothing was wrong! It was just a statement, right?

Apart from adverse effects on his sanity, his time with humans had allowed him to develop his perception to tonality in the human voice, and the meaning of facial and bodily gestures. He had somehow read into that statement, that Jim had personal experience in the matter... _peddles their body..._

_Kaiidth_! What could that mean?

And they had just encountered another, previously unseen facet of Jim's personality. They could only wonder what had shaped Jim this way.

3)

They had just returned from an away-mission, on which Jim (in standard fashion) had been beaten up, really badly, with long, metal poles. He was walking funny, in Bones' eyes anyway.

Jim was sporting a _fantastic _bruise on his thigh, which had blossomed into a rainbow of colours. He looked at it in obviously misguided pride. Bones had no doubt that there was internal bleeding. Jim and Sulu were on the other hand, comparing bruises, and in the way of men all around the universe, proving their manliness by exposing yet larger bruises. Bones wanted to beat them both senseless, so he could have some peace, and so he wouldn't have to waste KO gas to get them to sleep; their bruises were going to _hurt_.

He stepped back into hearing range, just in time to hear; "Damn, George is gonna be _so_ jealous! This one _owns_ the one he got last time!"

George was Jim's brother, and the last time he had seen him was several years back, on Earth, when they were still children. Where could children have gotten such bruises? _He_ hadn't seen bruises that size, and he'd been with Jim for a god-awful long time. Jim was a bruise magnet! And then people wondered why women draped themselves all over him! They were bloody sadists, women! They must have loved him to _bits_ for being hurt all the time!

Suddenly... Could it be? His... parents?

4)

Jim was found by a frantic Bones, and an I'd-never-admit-it-but-frantic Spock, sitting on the floor of his office, staring at his knees.

They stared at him and he stared at the floor, in silence. They didn't know why he had rushed off the bridge after having heard the news that Admiral Nogura had been arrested for abusing his power, and using people as if they were tools. It was surprising because the world knew there was no love lost between Jim and Admiral Nogura, who did his best to give Jim annoying and menial tasks at every chance he got.

"I'll never be like him. Never, never, never, never, never," Jim spat the words as if they were poisonous.

Spock and Bones exchanged glances. _What?_

Jim sighed, as if in exasperation, and began to explain. "He used to be a Captain. He was the youngest Captain in StarFleet, like me. He knew what it was like to be in a position where you were so terrified of doing something wrong, that you couldn't sleep at night. He knows the terror you feel, the heart-stopping, I-can't-breathe type of terror. When you feel like your drowning." Spock looked as surprised as he was allowed to. He had never known about these insecurities, never even suspected.

Bones looked less surprised, but no less startled. "Jim, you giant idiot. We know you'll never become like him!"

"How do you know?"

There was a silence; they didn't have any evidence, and Jim was known for becoming ruthlessly logical when it suited him. They just knew. Jim wasn't like that.

"How do you know I won't become like him, guys? He was just like me. He grew up like me. He a mother like mine, and a brother. He grew up in a small town. Do you know why he was arrested?" Jim asked.

"For abusing his pow--"

Jim cut him off. "Don't tell me you believed that? Doesn't that sound suspiciously vague and BS-like, even for StarFleet?" Bones fell silent. "He was arrested for beating his son till he had to be hospitalised." A different type of silence; stunned. They didn't bother asking Jim how he knew; Jim had many, _many_ sources. "I'd met that kid. A nicer boy I've never met. He wanted to be a doctor. Now he'll never be one."

"Why not, Jim?"

Jim looked up at him, and replied quietly. "When you end up in a hospital like that, you can't help but hate it. He won't be able to stand the sight of a hospital," Jim finished, and suddenly, almost simultaneously, Bones and Spock recalled Jim's legendary fear of hospitals and doctors. But before they could say anything, Jim was gone, leaving the two of them alone in his room.

5)

No one understood why the Captain wasn't jumping on this away mission like he jumped Spock (Uhura's words). It made no sense; his reluctance.

"Brief," he said, shortly to Uhura. Uhura continued, knowing he wasn't pissed at her. She clicked open the PADD document.

"Okay, Tarsus IV is inhabited by a medley of people; it's original inhabitant species died out a long time ago. Major religion, Vra, of the Janus V people. There's no ruling party at the moment. Most important thing is in the past; it's a taboo subject. Never bring it up. Tarsus IV was the location of a major genocide known as the Tarsus Massacre. A blight of some sort destroyed majority of the food supplies and crops, and to 'save' as many people as he could, then-Governor Kodos announced the execution of 4000 people, of the 8000 person population. Post event, there are around 400 survivors, because the rest took their lives, unable to live after seeing those horrors. Today, there are only nine people alive who can identify Kodos the Executioner, and these names are protected and hidden, even from the biggest big shots in Star Fleet. You _cannot_ bring this up, okay?"

She turned to Jim. "Captain, this is _not_, I repeat, _not_ something you can converse about. It's not a taboo topic on Tarsus alone, it's taboo around the universe, okay? It's not a debate question, to be taken lightly, or anything. Please try to understand, these people, imagine how they _lived_, you know."

"I can," Jim said, softly.

Uhura turned, outraged. "Jim, you couldn't possibly! You've lived your whole _life_ in safety, never knowing that kind of fear."

"Assume I was there, Lieutenant, and continue," he said, ignoring her disrespectful outburst. Uhura looked furious, and somehow curious at the same time.

Suddenly Bones burst out, as if he couldn't control himself. "Damn it, Jim. That's why your records are missing, isn't it?" Jim went pale. "Why they're wiped clean from the system? Why you don't remember to eat unless you're reminded? Jim, you were there, weren't you?" he asked, his tone quieting, suddenly. There was an utter silence in the room, and Spock looked humanly _shocked_, and Uhura looked completely distraught.

"I'm not coming on this away-mission, ladies and gentlemen," Jim announced, walking from the room smoothly, leaving them once again, in silence.

+1)

Jim walked onto the bridge, whistling almost unconsciously. The crew looked baffled. Yeah, Jim was a cheerful sorta guy, but this was weird. His entire face had lit up, and he looked _joyful, _and he was glowing,which was just plain weird.

It made no sense what-so-ever, and no one could figure it out. During lunch, Chekov speculated that he was the kind of person who sang or whistled after he got laid, but Uhura said that if that was true, the Captain would be whistling everyday, and Chekov had admitted defeat.

By the end of the day, almost the entire senior staff had expressed their suspicions, but to no avail. He hadn't made any comments on their obvious curiosity, and it was _killing_ them. Seriously.

They ended shift, still clueless, and met Bones in the hallway, who expressed extreme shock at the fact that Jim had appeared for his monthly inoculation of his own free will. And _smiled_ when he was given the shot, and even _thanked_ Bones. It was _ridiculous_!

But the one who figured it out wasn't anyone who knew Jim particularly well, or anything. It was a young ensign who had just been assigned to the ship, wandering around trying to find her way to Engineering.

She found herself in a previously unexplored quadrant of the ship, in a dimmed hallway. It was a day-shift crew area, because their clocks were set to 'nighttime'.* At the furthest end, instead of the exit she was hoping for, she came to a bend, but just before she turned the corner, she heard voices.

She peered over the edge, because she didn't want to be caught somewhere she was obviously not supposed to be.

The Captain (!!!) was leaning against a wall, and flashing an incredibly brilliant grin (her knees went weak) at a lean figure…. Taller than him? With pointy ears? Oh, that would be Commander Spock.

He appeared to be smiling (?!?!) back at the Captain, in a genuinely happy way. She wasn't exactly sure about what she was seeing, but her doubts were clarified when Commander Spock leaned forward and kissed the Captain, pressing him gently against the wall. It was obvious that the Captain was smiling into the kiss, so she was sure she shouldn't yell 'rape'.

She grinned and turned to walk away, thinking, _so that's why he was so happy._ It should have been obvious, but she hadn't noticed till then that his face lit up when he saw Commander Spock, and it was _adorable_!

They _totally_ belonged together, and she was _dying_ to gush about it to someone, but she decided that it was their business, and their friends would no doubt not appreciate hearing it from gossip rather than firsthand.

She sighed and found that she had reached Engineering, and grinned. It was a good start to the day.

Well? Yeah, I know. Some stuff is forced, but that's because I forced it. And the last bit is odd but I couldn't help it. :D

REVIEW AND FEED MY SOUL!

Party Like A Vulcan,

Love,

Lady Merlin


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